Feb 2007

I start to complain about my busy schedule and so wanting for the year to end. This post will sum up all of Feb 2007.

5 Feb 2007
Well, I was right on Sunday (yesterday) about my mother, only that it applies to my father as well. Not that I don't care, but when 2 avatars just passed me, oh well.

Reflection
I shall include this portion if I have anything to add on. That was a surprisingly short post, probably I was tired of writing the same disastrous things repeatedly. To add the background and make it easier to understand, this happens when my parents were like my sister and did not give me what I wanted - even if it means just 10 mins of computer time. Which all my other peers have, and that leaves me very confused and frustrated as I grew up. Their behaviour got worse, as do my hatred for them, as you shall see in later posts, which I hope to get them up.

10 Feb 2007
I'll just sum up, meaning this is not the same word-for-word copy in my diary. This post is one of my few congratulatory posts. It was the first time I said I want to "put (this) whole diary on (my) blog", which means I have already suffered enough under my parents' and sister's terrifying reign. I also wrote about my first namecard that I created - and I think all my creations fill me with happiness, which I lack in my home.

17 Feb 2007 Chinese New Year's eve
If the saying -what happens today will happen for the following year is right, then:

1. Sister will still be lazy, not buying food (Lunch, when no one else cooks) for herself, and make me do so for her. (Like a maid - she already orders me around then.)
2. I will be scolded by my parents.
3. I will hate my sister.
4. I will brood about my past. (Last time, I endured a lot before writing down one post of abuse, hence it's not in my diary; more will come in the future)

19 Feb 2007
I actually "feel a twinge of happiness knowing that I will e returning to school after CNY", which I believe gives  me a sanctuary. At least, when I'm not at home, I will be get scolded and beaten by my family members for no reason. This shows the severity is already quite heavy at that time. To think that I actually endured till this day without doing anything bad to them.

All I wish is for another's voice to be in unison with mine.

7 Jan 2007 late at night

What I want is only a little wish!!!
I can't even stay on the net a second more when others can do so unlimited!!! I'm just going to finish my task of watching Nanoha A's Episode 10!!! It just can't load! And she threatened me not to play on Sloth's Day (next week)! HELLO!!! 2 avatars available only on that day!!! You ask me to sacrifice my time. Do you??? no! My mother - SELFISH, INSOLENT, BIG, FAT BRAT!!!

All I wish is for another's voice to be in unison with mine.

19 March 2003

At last, I'm going to start transporting my Diary into the cloud. it's mostly on the abuse I receive from my family which I hope someone out there can sympathize and help me with. Hence, I changed the labels, Web Diary, is for entries that are not written down in pen and paper, but Diary is so. I guess I can start now.

Apparently, I started receiving these unnecessary scoldings when I was in Primary 4 in 2003. That makes this year the 8th anniversary. Then, it was because my Primary School shifted due to MOE's upgrading. My parents didn't manage to transfer me to another school. In P4, CCA started and there were school trips. Hence, transportation from walking changed to bus, which was quite costly to us, as we are and still not so average. In fact, I would say it's getting worse, as with the scoldings.

 I wrote "My sister scolded me for everything ... The scoldings went on for days." This means that the scoldings took place earlier than that and it had started to hurt me already. But I shall put that as normal.

 Well, you will get to read the escalating of violence.

All I wish is for another's voice to be in unison with mine.

Feelings from Song

别说你会难过
别说你想改变

Everything is now either in my Gmail Chat or here. Yay! No more posting on Facebook!

21 Nov 2010

Looks like now, I will keep a weblog of some sorts, seeing this being the first post. Facebook is a no-no, since everyone can see what I wrote. Gmail chat, may not be nice for those, who can see it when they are online. On this blog, not much people know. Even for the few of them who I gave access to, I can at least be comforted by the fact that I can trick myself into thinking there's no one here. of course to prevent myself from going on and on, I think limiting this to 15 minutes would be nice enough.Then again, it's not like I can on the computer every time, so I'm not sure, how long can this keep up.

This should not be confused with my rantings in my house, which will have a similar title format (date), and if I just stop procrastinating, and find some free time, I should be getting started before the end of this year. Those will be labelled 'Diaries', anyway. Talking about end of the year, I should continue to finish writing my storybook.

The thing to say today, is that I finally got around to restarting my pull-ups, after maybe a month of people being there everyday. Still embarrassed a bit due to my inferiority. Apparently, it seems that the time I put in gym for the past 1 month, doesn't seem to help. I still can't do one complete one! It's infuriating, seeing the dateline is around May.

This is 5 minutes which means that if I type 15 minutes each time, it should be more than enough.

However, i still think it's too long for the first post, but I think it'll get shorter next time. Alas, I'll stop here.

2010年10月26日

如果爆裂，那不如将我今天毁灭。

All I wish is for another's voice to be in unison with mine.

Upcoming Elections

There's been more talk on the next elections, but something I'll like to point out.

Before the election, there will be many benefits, like GST and household utilities rebates and Lift Upgrading Projects. This year's NDP heartlands venues namely: Bishan, Choa Chu Kang, Eunos, SengKang, and Woodlands apparently should be the areas where PAP support are not as high as these places previously did not host any events. I think the objective is to rally support for the upcoming elections.

Then again, as in the previous election, after PAP was voted again, people started complaining as GST and CPF Minimum Sum was increased. This year and the last was quite dormant, if you had noticed it as well. By 2012, the Government had said that GST will be increased to 10%.

However, despite all the complaints, Singaporeans will still vote for PAP. But I wonder how much I can take.

Future Epidemic

Yay! It's time for a post with new content and not the same usual rantings.

Because my grandmother has this condition called "shen she" - something about a snake, it was brought to my attention that there exists various conditions that science is not the perfect solution. Apparently, it should be cured by traditional methods - not even Chinese medicine is the best remedy. The condition is painful, similar to scalding by hot water. It's itchy but scratching it will spread it quickly. Apparently, after a night, it will spread quickly in a circle around the part of your body. It is said that when it comes full circle, the illness is now fatal. Hence the snake name as snakes are more active at night.

I've always been supportive of Chinese medicine - things that are natural, and now there's a new realm of medicine that dates earlier into the past millennium.The traditional therapy is not intrusive. According to my father, they measure using a rope from a point - presumably from the origin of infection. The doctor then will come to a Aha! moment and take a lighted candle and push it past the rope. The candle will be extinguished. Repeating this makes up one session. By the second session, most would have recovered. My father said it's to burn the eyes of the snake and consultation should take place at night.

Now, the Singapore Skin Centre may be able to cure it, but it's not as effective and the time for recovering is longer. I think that in the future, these old diseases will creep up to us again, in a time where those minorities would have become non-existent, in a time where those medicinal plants are replaced by Brownfield sites.

I really hope to preserve everything we have. That's the beauty of the world.

2010年9月16日

现在，连骂自己的力气也没有。昨天，再一次地让我经历历史。
是跑不了，逃不掉我这命中注定的孤单生活。

All I wish is for another's voice to be in unison with mine.    

2010年9月2日

我要被爱。

All I wish is for another's voice to be in unison with mine.   

2010年8月11日

18月后，我承认那段日子隐藏的现实还没离我而去。我真的很需要你一直陪在我身旁......

All I wish is for another's voice to be in unison with mine.  

2010年8月5日

在此的回到第一步，又是单独一个人生活。

回到第一步，这次需要勇气。

All I wish is for another's voice to be in unison with mine. 

18 July 2010 Podcast

She's (Mother) Really An IDIOT!

She was vacuuming the floor. Now, I was trying to help her to switch it off, but the wire was entangled. Now, she was the one who started vacuuming and must have noticed the looped wire as she has to plug in the socket. You know what happened?!

SHE BLAMED ME FOR VOLUNTEERING TO ENTANGLE THE WIRE!!!

How could I if one end of the plug is in the socket and the other is in the vacuum cleaner which she is operating at the moment?

AND SHE CHIDED ME FOR NOT UNTANGLING IT!!!

Now, how am I supposed to do it if she was using it? Am I supposed to cut off the power and get scolded this way? Or should I be scolded the present way?

I'm really in too much anger I can't form words.

I Don't Want To Live In This House ANYMORE!

2010年7月14日

但没有人爱我的时候，你，在哪里？

All I wish is for another's voice to be in unison with mine.

2010年7月5日

他要回去。他快回去了。我不能。他原本说不要的。我很乱。心很乱。怎么可能？

All I wish is for another's voice to be in unison with mine.

July 3 Bus Fares Change

Minimum adult = 71 cents! It's more expensive and back to normal.
Senior Citizens = 90 cents meaning they are even more expensive than certain adults. Furthermore, the government wants them to work. Do you actually think they can earn a lot?
Student minimum 36 cents. But most students, when they use bus, they will pay an increase in price when July 3 comes. Even though the service is not worth it. (frequencies)

Now, if we are talking about bus frequencies, the government wanted to reduce the bus trip, that is to make it shorter. Hence you direct buses will be a thing of the past in the future. You will then rely on MRT, and hence you pay more again!

Why not they put a bus fare categorised to each bus service's frequency?

23 May 2010

翻开回忆本，我看到一个你让我开心的一天。当时，我没料到，被吓坏了，结果拒绝了。虽然我又一点后悔，可是，我知道，在未来，你会在一次在我生活中出现，会让我更开心。我期待那一天的到来。

“还在寻找那个能帮我的人”  

20 May 2010

I, similar to other boys, have a high ego. So when I put on a brave front, why didn't you break through it and comfort the trembling me inside?

“还在寻找那个能帮我的人” 

3 May 2010

有时候， 一个问候足以让我觉得温温的。谢谢！

Yup, I'm not posting on FB, because I don't want ppl to know about it.

While all of you are enjoying your Labour Day Sat and Mon public and school holidays respectively at home, I'm on school! *angry and unhappy*

Until 24 April 2010

2010年4月23日
终于，我察觉到我，真的活在这世界上。终于发现我身后有自己的脚印。终于，我笑了。

2010年4月24日

是谁说“天生我才必有用”。那是错的。有是谁说“世界上没有公平”的？那才是真实。有些绊脚石，是一生中逃不过的。可惜的是，我已碰到它了。

“还在寻找那个能帮我的人”

19 April 2010

Everyone is in school today!

And my hair needs to be cut. It's slowing me down when I run!

Excerpts

2010年4月8日

为什么我那么笨！永远都学不会！还说我聪明。自己根本比猪还蠢！每一次剩下的只是自己。每个人都要剥取他们所要的，而忽略了 “友情” 。这世界上根本没有 “情” 这个字！

你每次说你知道，但如果你真的知道的话，那为什么你还是愚蠢的给予他们你的爱呢？他们是冷酷的恐龙，没有感觉。我知道我还是会犯同一样的错。也许是一辈子的错，但只给我一点美好的回忆，我就知足了。

2010年3月30日

我决定了。我选择了上六月前挨过的痛苦，也不要现在的背叛。是时候接受事实，勇敢面对。但现在我没有那么容易被骗了。也许如此，现在我的心没那么痛。

“还在寻找那个能帮我的人”

My idiotic mother

Don't worry, I'll complete typing out my diary entries one day. And that day is coming closer each time she angers me.

2010年3月12日

这个《礼物》该奉给谁？

“还在寻找那个能帮我的人” 

2010年3月4日 雾

不知道这句话重复的多少遍。“眼前的人和他不是一样的人，因此前者应该不会伤害我。他会关心我。他会照顾我。我会变快乐的。我会是幸福的。

但是，在伤口还没痊愈之前，又被一把刀割过。

现在，剩下的只有一条乌黑的疤痕。

虽然今天你说的话深深的触动我的心，但是我还会把双手稳稳地、紧紧地，盖住伤口，坚持不让它再一次受到任何伤害。因为，我不想再一次亲身体验愤怒、失去、遗憾。既然我已习惯孤独地活在这个失落沙洲，就不要三分钟热度，让我暂时开心一下，然后狠狠地把我仍回那个孤僻的荒岛上。

总的来说，我希望一句话能帮我解释一切。

对不起。

“还在寻找那个能帮我的人” 

2010年2月27日

心里有很多话想说,但说不出来。那时的你让我幸福百分百。你知道我依赖多不想say goodbye，但还是期待某一天我和你笑得更灿烂。

“还在寻找那个能帮我的人”  

2010年2月24日

这时候的我，一直在想着你，多希望这是一次你能知道我在想什么。

“还在寻找那个能帮我的人” 

27 January 2010

There is someone in there, whose emtions overwhelm me. Embrace me as will I only focus on you.

Why do people try to lie and cheat themselves when the result is the same?

“还在寻找那个能帮我的人” 

More excerpts

22 January 2010
Bad morning, everyone! Orchard is a place for tourists. So much for G. wanting to make this place more attractive to outsiders. Make the floods on the pedestrian road along Orchard Road go away first! Now, my shoes, socks, feet, pants are all wet.


21 January 2010
10.12pm - on the excellent greeting service by Ion branch. Uplifting of spirits for my dinner as early release.
Hello! Welcome to Bread Society~!~

12.45am - on doing something wrong and must undo the previous changes than redo it the new way.
Now I know why people hate doing "double job".

10.57am - In the morning.
Feeling Lethargic


20 January 2010
4.47pm - On feeling hungry due to mental work similar to that of studying.
I should stop eating one packet of chocolate biscuits every time I finish one set of work. That's about one packet every half hour.

9.49am - On the "impatient" customer
As much as there is a banner for "Commuters to treat Bus Captains well", there should be a campaign that goes "Customer is never always right".

9.19am - When my happy mood of being promoted comes in.
Weather report from my 12 floor office: hazy and foggy, please try not to stay outdooors. An air-conditioned place will be good. Bright sunny weather to continue for at least the next 3 hours.

19 January 2010 9:01am - while waiting for Kathy to arrive; apparently, I arrived too early.
Let's start work at last!


16 January 2010 - On the surprise visit by Yuan Long and Wei Liang to Epicentre.
Thanks for yesterday. Maybe there really is a flicker of light in this everlasting, everblinding, pervasive darkness that correct my direction.

“还在寻找那个能帮我的人”  

2010年1月14日

今晚，带我走吧。我答应你，我这次一去再也不会回头。
我真的不知道我活在这个世界上的意义。我真的好没用。
看见他人的笑脸，我感觉到一种我曾经没有体验过的心情。
里面有：厌恨、嫉妒、还有被别人怜悯。
但是，在心里面，我正在找那个能救我的人。