19 April 2009

I think this is the first official entry about my sister abusing me again and that I told my teacher about it. But the pint is, they can't do anything much. I mean, they will be busy teaching and forget all about it and I dislike false hopes the most. They make me feel down in the dumps. I don't blame them. I don't deserve their attention. What am I?

And even if they remember, they are waiting for me to tell them. Now, I'm the sort of person that needs structured questions. If I'm not I will probably top the level in oral. Furthermore, there's too many areas to talk about and I don't know where to start. I feel uneasy talking about unpleasant things and will try my best to avoid it. Maybe they should try hypnotising me.

She just specified to my whole housing estate (ie. shouted so loud) that I will follow my father on Sunday to the market. Oh and she did not do this when she was 16.

Dialogue
Me: you didn't do it when you were 16!
S (Her): yes, I regretted it. that's why i want you to do it.
Me: (I'm not your slave!)

Today also have another instance.
S (Her): I'm buying you the cake and I don't think you appreciate it.
Me: (Hello! The cake is free due to gift vouchers. You never buy anything for me. Everything always goes to her. And I didn't get to choose it! The choice is what you like not mine! Why am I appreciating what you are buying for yourself then hands it over to me with "Happy birthday' scrawled over the top? Especially when it is all eaten up by her.

So you see. I think I will fail my O Levels. Look at my timetable.

Sat - CCA, come home to cook dinner

Sun - market in the morning, come back with no mood to study and wasted the afternoon.

My nights are always with no mood to study. So my weekdays are over as well. So I can't study. No time! It's difficult to get into concentration and even more difficult to complain when someone screams every half minute talking something bad about me.

I have 2 more symptoms that I know my situation is getting worse.

One, there was once when one friend of a higher authority in my CCA forced me to a corner and force me to go to my CCA. He had to pick me and not any of the other not so enthusiastic people in my class. I got a phobia for corners, though. That moment, I knew I was going mad. I had a really strong desire to push him over the railing, and let him fall 6 storeys to his death. I really can't control myself. The reason he's enjoying his life now is he walked away at that moment.

Two, my memory has failed me once again. I seem to be able to forget things the next second, even though I'm really paying attention. It's quite funny and embarrassing at times.

I'm going to hand you, my diary, over to that teacher to see what he can do. I want something to be done to her and my mother. My diary only contains 0.01 the information. I hope he picks up the important tip I mentioned earlier in this entry and that will be enough to let the cat out of the bag. and for me to spill the beans.

Below is for the teacher's reference. I thought I will write an email to him, but luckily I found another way.

Music

1) Antoinette Blue by Kitade Nana

The song sings about loneliness. Since it is used as D. Gray Man's Ending Theme Song 4, I have 3 ways of explaining its meanings. Just find the English translation of its lyrics.


Edit:
Deleted everything below as it makes not sense in relation to how I'm feeling and don't know why I wrote until 7 pages in 1h 10 mins.

All I wish is for another's voice to be in unison with mine.

2 Dec 2007

Well, I'm not going to waste my time writing all about my family problems. I'll just say it once and of course, I wouldn't want to repeat writing them again.

The problem with my parents is that they will pick on me. Anything. They'll scold me just like all those children in the storybooks. If I say 'yes', they scold. 'No', they also scold. Eg: They wash clothes in the morning. It dried in the afternoon.

Yes - I keep them. They believed it's not dry though and scold me for keeping wet clothes.
No - On another day, I did not keep it. When they came and felt it was dry, they grumbled why it was not kept.

They only believe in one thought - which is usually not a fact - no matter what happens. This shows how stubborn they can be.

All I wish is for another's voice to be in unison with mine.