1 March 2020

I finally got my hands on OCS PT kit, something that I wanted. I went running earlier because my mother forced me to do it through her negativity.

Then my father said why you wear OCS PT kit throw away la, ppl see not nice.

Then it's like what you want me do, what I wear also cannot. What I do or don't do also wrong. Whenever I'm in front of their face, I become a subject of their negativity and the victim.

They caused me to have no self esteem, resulting in my retarded social, emotional and psychological growth. And I still must be their puppet.

My father already cannot withstand my mother's negativity and is already a mirror of her. I am next as I'm already toxic to them in my head, but of course I don't dare to say it out.

I don't want it to affect my life and you as well.

I really can see those kids who keep playing computer and don't study. There were those months where I just go home everyday from work, then turn on laptop to play Overwatch until 1030-11.30 pm then I go sleep. Just to block everything out.

The ironic thing is the very thing they were against me is what's keeping me sane. My father using my old handphone and my sister bought my mother a handphone so now they both watch the handphone for a few hours a day. Lucky they don't practice what they preach for once.

Also, now got the House Improvement Project - caused by my mother's ego. She insisted on doing. so all the extra work to clean and prepare is done by my father. My sister jumped in to scold me at every single opportunity to help out. But of course my father being the ancient ego type, refused to receive help.

My sister would message me, ever since I got my data. When I single tick, she say why data is not on, it should be double tick. When 2 ticks, she say why don't read. why take so long. isn't your phone always with you - but that's her, and my parents don't like anyone to use the phone often. When blue tick, she will say why no response. That's because when i respond with 'ok', she will say why only respond one line. is it you angry with me. then she will suddenly be angry with me and don't talk and say bad things to my parents in front of me. Then if I respond with multiple lines, she will triple those number of lines to scold me back or to do things.

my parents are both demented. my mother is the famous gone case. My father in the past 6 months, will only describe a thing with a 3 word phrase instead of a sentence. It's prone to multiple interpretations. I don't reply back, they say I don't talk to parents. so i talk. But since I obviously misinterpreted it, and no thanks to them always changing topic in the middle of nowhere, my father will suddenly angry and say 'talk to you useless one. you also don't understand at all. say so many times also don't know'.

He is demented. other than easily losing his temper, he also lost his sense of logic. he can argue with me over simple maths.

You know I from sengkang if I dance or gym 1 hour, i will reach home at 8 pm. But OCH is nearer. i reach home at 7.45 but I still kenna worse. They are discouraging me from going gym, saying that I should go home after work, spend time with parents, talk about the day.

Yea right and be a monster like them and spread negativity from work to home? Sorry but I'm not a monster yet.

And I also know that as much I need overwatch, it's an absolute waste of time, to the extent that I don't even read newspapers. because the moment I step in, their incessant voices are so loud until i plug my earphones in. Then being a sadistic Sombra and hacking everyone. then kill the low HP ones for cheap thrills.

All I wish is for another's voice to be in unison with mine
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