I think this is the first official entry about my sister abusing me again and that I told my teacher about it. But the pint is, they can't do anything much. I mean, they will be busy teaching and forget all about it and I dislike false hopes the most. They make me feel down in the dumps. I don't blame them. I don't deserve their attention. What am I?
And even if they remember, they are waiting for me to tell them. Now, I'm the sort of person that needs structured questions. If I'm not I will probably top the level in oral. Furthermore, there's too many areas to talk about and I don't know where to start. I feel uneasy talking about unpleasant things and will try my best to avoid it. Maybe they should try hypnotising me.
She just specified to my whole housing estate (ie. shouted so loud) that I will follow my father on Sunday to the market. Oh and she did not do this when she was 16.
Dialogue
Me: you didn't do it when you were 16!
S (Her): yes, I regretted it. that's why i want you to do it.
Me: (I'm not your slave!)
Today also have another instance.
S (Her): I'm buying you the cake and I don't think you appreciate it.
Me: (Hello! The cake is free due to gift vouchers. You never buy anything for me. Everything always goes to her. And I didn't get to choose it! The choice is what you like not mine! Why am I appreciating what you are buying for yourself then hands it over to me with "Happy birthday' scrawled over the top? Especially when it is all eaten up by her.
So you see. I think I will fail my O Levels. Look at my timetable.
Sat - CCA, come home to cook dinner
Sun - market in the morning, come back with no mood to study and wasted the afternoon.
My nights are always with no mood to study. So my weekdays are over as well. So I can't study. No time! It's difficult to get into concentration and even more difficult to complain when someone screams every half minute talking something bad about me.
I have 2 more symptoms that I know my situation is getting worse.
One, there was once when one friend of a higher authority in my CCA forced me to a corner and force me to go to my CCA. He had to pick me and not any of the other not so enthusiastic people in my class. I got a phobia for corners, though. That moment, I knew I was going mad. I had a really strong desire to push him over the railing, and let him fall 6 storeys to his death. I really can't control myself. The reason he's enjoying his life now is he walked away at that moment.
Two, my memory has failed me once again. I seem to be able to forget things the next second, even though I'm really paying attention. It's quite funny and embarrassing at times.
I'm going to hand you, my diary, over to that teacher to see what he can do. I want something to be done to her and my mother. My diary only contains 0.01 the information. I hope he picks up the important tip I mentioned earlier in this entry and that will be enough to let the cat out of the bag. and for me to spill the beans.
Below is for the teacher's reference. I thought I will write an email to him, but luckily I found another way.
Music
1) Antoinette Blue by Kitade Nana
The song sings about loneliness. Since it is used as D. Gray Man's Ending Theme Song 4, I have 3 ways of explaining its meanings. Just find the English translation of its lyrics.
Edit:
Deleted everything below as it makes not sense in relation to how I'm feeling and don't know why I wrote until 7 pages in 1h 10 mins.
All I wish is for another's voice to be in unison with mine.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Friday, June 17, 2011
2 Dec 2007
Well, I'm not going to waste my time writing all about my family problems. I'll just say it once and of course, I wouldn't want to repeat writing them again.
The problem with my parents is that they will pick on me. Anything. They'll scold me just like all those children in the storybooks. If I say 'yes', they scold. 'No', they also scold. Eg: They wash clothes in the morning. It dried in the afternoon.
Yes - I keep them. They believed it's not dry though and scold me for keeping wet clothes.
No - On another day, I did not keep it. When they came and felt it was dry, they grumbled why it was not kept.
They only believe in one thought - which is usually not a fact - no matter what happens. This shows how stubborn they can be.
All I wish is for another's voice to be in unison with mine.
The problem with my parents is that they will pick on me. Anything. They'll scold me just like all those children in the storybooks. If I say 'yes', they scold. 'No', they also scold. Eg: They wash clothes in the morning. It dried in the afternoon.
Yes - I keep them. They believed it's not dry though and scold me for keeping wet clothes.
No - On another day, I did not keep it. When they came and felt it was dry, they grumbled why it was not kept.
They only believe in one thought - which is usually not a fact - no matter what happens. This shows how stubborn they can be.
All I wish is for another's voice to be in unison with mine.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
29 April 2007
Boo hoo... I'm crying now. I locked my door. When I heard that Mummy and Sister are going overseas, I was so happy as I could play computer for days! But when it was not the school holidays (too expensive) and it was not after my exams, which meant I cannot play! She did not even went on her her half day off, as it would be wasted. So self-centered!!!
Reflection
This post is extremely emotional that I'm going to stop here first and talk about it. So last time, it can be deduced taht she started bullying me by not allowing me to play computer games and I'm talking about the bare minimum of 1 hour where other children got 3h. At least. So if she is not in Singapore, I could get more playtime. But the circumstances were not to be. Apparently, this was a huge blow to me at that time. Or is it that I feel this episode is much too minor as compared to how she treats me now.
Continue typing (skipping some parts)
I want to achieve good results in my school, but they discourage me (never say a good thing and always say "I will fail") and are never on my side. Which don't make me happy. According to my psychological instincts, I don't even have the will to survive!
All I wish is for another's voice to be in unison with mine.
Reflection
This post is extremely emotional that I'm going to stop here first and talk about it. So last time, it can be deduced taht she started bullying me by not allowing me to play computer games and I'm talking about the bare minimum of 1 hour where other children got 3h. At least. So if she is not in Singapore, I could get more playtime. But the circumstances were not to be. Apparently, this was a huge blow to me at that time. Or is it that I feel this episode is much too minor as compared to how she treats me now.
Continue typing (skipping some parts)
I want to achieve good results in my school, but they discourage me (never say a good thing and always say "I will fail") and are never on my side. Which don't make me happy. According to my psychological instincts, I don't even have the will to survive!
All I wish is for another's voice to be in unison with mine.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Singapore OK... or Not? Episode 6: Unreliable Service on the Circle Line
I wanted to write this to the forums, but there wasn't time for me to do so last time. So I completed it and will post it here.
Unreliable Service on the Circle Line
I had an unpleasant experience travelling on the Circle Line from Stadium Station at 8.15pm in the direction of Marymount on 13 August 2010. According to a robotic voice, the train was 'delayed' as there was a 'train fault'. The train was travelling at an incredibly slow pace, such that you can count the number of supporting structures that went around the circular tunnel on both sides simultaneously. More than once, the train actually stopped. The longest was almost ten minutes. The train fault appeared to "resolved" after Mountbatten as the train picked up speed after that. From Stadium to Mountbatten, which is the station immediately after Stadium, the train took an appalling 18 minutes!
Compared to the East-West line and North-South line, which took an average of 2 and 3 minutes respectively before calling at the next station, 18 minutes is tantamount to the time taken from Kallang to Queenstown on the East West line or Dhoby Ghaut to Yio Chu Kang on the North South line. I find it ludicrous that I could use the time to "fly" from one side of Singapore to the other!
Trains are seen as a speedy method to travel around the island as it goes inter-towns and not intra-towns like buses. With more train routes being added, Circle Line could serve as a check for reliable service, which we do pay increasing fares every other year. Until one day, when public transport excel in all areas will car ownership decrease.
Unreliable Service on the Circle Line
I had an unpleasant experience travelling on the Circle Line from Stadium Station at 8.15pm in the direction of Marymount on 13 August 2010. According to a robotic voice, the train was 'delayed' as there was a 'train fault'. The train was travelling at an incredibly slow pace, such that you can count the number of supporting structures that went around the circular tunnel on both sides simultaneously. More than once, the train actually stopped. The longest was almost ten minutes. The train fault appeared to "resolved" after Mountbatten as the train picked up speed after that. From Stadium to Mountbatten, which is the station immediately after Stadium, the train took an appalling 18 minutes!
Compared to the East-West line and North-South line, which took an average of 2 and 3 minutes respectively before calling at the next station, 18 minutes is tantamount to the time taken from Kallang to Queenstown on the East West line or Dhoby Ghaut to Yio Chu Kang on the North South line. I find it ludicrous that I could use the time to "fly" from one side of Singapore to the other!
Trains are seen as a speedy method to travel around the island as it goes inter-towns and not intra-towns like buses. With more train routes being added, Circle Line could serve as a check for reliable service, which we do pay increasing fares every other year. Until one day, when public transport excel in all areas will car ownership decrease.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Feb 2007
I start to complain about my busy schedule and so wanting for the year to end. This post will sum up all of Feb 2007.
5 Feb 2007
Well, I was right on Sunday (yesterday) about my mother, only that it applies to my father as well. Not that I don't care, but when 2 avatars just passed me, oh well.
Reflection
I shall include this portion if I have anything to add on. That was a surprisingly short post, probably I was tired of writing the same disastrous things repeatedly. To add the background and make it easier to understand, this happens when my parents were like my sister and did not give me what I wanted - even if it means just 10 mins of computer time. Which all my other peers have, and that leaves me very confused and frustrated as I grew up. Their behaviour got worse, as do my hatred for them, as you shall see in later posts, which I hope to get them up.
10 Feb 2007
I'll just sum up, meaning this is not the same word-for-word copy in my diary. This post is one of my few congratulatory posts. It was the first time I said I want to "put (this) whole diary on (my) blog", which means I have already suffered enough under my parents' and sister's terrifying reign. I also wrote about my first namecard that I created - and I think all my creations fill me with happiness, which I lack in my home.
17 Feb 2007 Chinese New Year's eve
If the saying -what happens today will happen for the following year is right, then:
I actually "feel a twinge of happiness knowing that I will e returning to school after CNY", which I believe gives me a sanctuary. At least, when I'm not at home, I will be get scolded and beaten by my family members for no reason. This shows the severity is already quite heavy at that time. To think that I actually endured till this day without doing anything bad to them.
All I wish is for another's voice to be in unison with mine.
5 Feb 2007
Well, I was right on Sunday (yesterday) about my mother, only that it applies to my father as well. Not that I don't care, but when 2 avatars just passed me, oh well.
Reflection
I shall include this portion if I have anything to add on. That was a surprisingly short post, probably I was tired of writing the same disastrous things repeatedly. To add the background and make it easier to understand, this happens when my parents were like my sister and did not give me what I wanted - even if it means just 10 mins of computer time. Which all my other peers have, and that leaves me very confused and frustrated as I grew up. Their behaviour got worse, as do my hatred for them, as you shall see in later posts, which I hope to get them up.
10 Feb 2007
I'll just sum up, meaning this is not the same word-for-word copy in my diary. This post is one of my few congratulatory posts. It was the first time I said I want to "put (this) whole diary on (my) blog", which means I have already suffered enough under my parents' and sister's terrifying reign. I also wrote about my first namecard that I created - and I think all my creations fill me with happiness, which I lack in my home.
17 Feb 2007 Chinese New Year's eve
If the saying -what happens today will happen for the following year is right, then:
- Sister will still be lazy, not buying food (Lunch, when no one else cooks) for herself, and make me do so for her. (Like a maid - she already orders me around then.)
- I will be scolded by my parents.
- I will hate my sister.
- I will brood about my past. (Last time, I endured a lot before writing down one post of abuse, hence it's not in my diary; more will come in the future)
I actually "feel a twinge of happiness knowing that I will e returning to school after CNY", which I believe gives me a sanctuary. At least, when I'm not at home, I will be get scolded and beaten by my family members for no reason. This shows the severity is already quite heavy at that time. To think that I actually endured till this day without doing anything bad to them.
All I wish is for another's voice to be in unison with mine.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
7 Jan 2007 late at night
What I want is only a little wish!!!
I can't even stay on the net a second more when others can do so unlimited!!! I'm just going to finish my task of watching Nanoha A's Episode 10!!! It just can't load! And she threatened me not to play on Sloth's Day (next week)! HELLO!!! 2 avatars available only on that day!!! You ask me to sacrifice my time. Do you??? no! My mother - SELFISH, INSOLENT, BIG, FAT BRAT!!!
All I wish is for another's voice to be in unison with mine.
I can't even stay on the net a second more when others can do so unlimited!!! I'm just going to finish my task of watching Nanoha A's Episode 10!!! It just can't load! And she threatened me not to play on Sloth's Day (next week)! HELLO!!! 2 avatars available only on that day!!! You ask me to sacrifice my time. Do you??? no! My mother - SELFISH, INSOLENT, BIG, FAT BRAT!!!
All I wish is for another's voice to be in unison with mine.
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