March 2013

March 24, 2013
The number of sentences I speak to my family per week can be counted with my fingers, yet why do I end up torn, tattered, weary, and bloody?

March 28, 2013
5 mins after my mother stepped into my house and I'm already having a headache. Now, it starts with a capital 'H'.

March 29, 2013
Into Day 2, and I am suffocated, breathless, and never this desperate to tell the whole world how much I would prefer to be in a Home.

All I wish is for another's voice to be in unison with mine.

Singapore OK... or Not? Episode 7: 4th Election in 2 years

9 January 2013's Report from Channel News Asia states that the by-election for Punggol East SMC will be held on 26 January 2013 with nominations to be in on 16 January 2013, about a week from the report.

There are some comparisons to be made here with the Hougang by-election 2012.

First, the immediacy of calling the by-election. According to TODAY on 13 December 2012,

The Hougang by-election was called about three months after former MP Yaw Shin Leong was expelled from the Workers' Party for "indiscretions in personal life"

In contrast, it took "less than a month" (TODAY, 10 January 2013) for the Punggol East by-election to be called.

Moreover, look at this Channel News Asia report on 12 December 2012.

In a statement to the media on Wednesday, Mr Lee also assured Singaporeans that he will make his decision based on what he said, "is best for the constituents of Punggol East and the country." 
Mr Lee pointed out that Singapore is currently focused on several national issues. 
He cited the 'Our Singapore Conversation', which he said is making good progress. 
Mr Lee added the White Paper on Population will be debated in Parliament in January. 
Separately, the government is also preparing for Budget 2013. 
Mr Lee said his first priority is to ensure that the residents of Punggol East continue to be well taken care of. 
"We have appointed Mr Teo Ser Luck to oversee Punggol East constituency, and Mr Zainal Sapari to chair the Pasir Ris-Punggol Town Council. DPM Teo Chee Hean, who himself is in Pasir Ris-Punggol GRC, will also take a personal interest in the welfare of Punggol East residents," said Mr Lee. 
The Constitution does not require the prime minister to call a by-election within any fixed time frame.

PM Lee seems really reluctant to call a by-election soon. However, TODAY's report on 10 January 2013 seems to show otherwise.

Noting the "busy national agenda this year", Mr Lee said: "The White Paper on Population will soon be debated in Parliament. Budget 2013 is around the corner. The Our Singapore Conversation is translating the views of citizens into programmes to improve our lives. ..."

The 3 highlighted reasons are used to both support his idea of pushing it to a later date and to call it immediately. Isn't this hypocritical? Either way, this will happen and the Opposition parties will be extremely busy and scrambling everywhere just to meet the short dateline.

27 June 2009

刚刚才发觉到为什么我一直十分羡慕他人的父母在他们回家。每一次放学，看着朋友上他们父亲的车，都一定会站在那边一会儿，不管他们能不能看到我。直到车的踪影消失后，我才缓慢地走开。起初，我还以为那是因为我有礼貌，甚至认为自己很自私，很想多看他们一面。但，从后者，我应该早已料到，而不是等到现在——原来是我缺乏爱到这个地步。

All I wish is for another's voice to be in unison with mine.

6 June 2009

My SMP hard disk that contains the soft copy of my hard work is gone. Lost! even the disk cover. it just disappeared. Thought it was under the desk but it's not. ALL thanks to her. What clan up your room, then shuffle all the things again and again. My memory is already very bad enough. But funnily enough, I'm not crying like that time when I was stressed out over the Chinese O Level. I just can't cry.

All I wish is for another's voice to be in unison with mine.

1 June 2009

After the O Level Chinese Exam, she asked me to go out. Of course, instead of having a nice time shopping for more clothes, she ended up scolding me. Somehow, it always end up like this. remind me never to go out with her again. I knew she haven't changed but instead got worse. Vulgarities spewed out and having a cold war only with me - all characteristics of her deep rooted hatred towards me of causes unknown and incurable.

Anyway, moving on. I feel the best way is to write down and after that when i think about it, I don't feel anything. I think this should be my daily habit and maybe I can upgrade to writing in Chinese? I gave up n my previous pen if you can see (there are many cancellations as the ink does not flow out - as seen in the actual diary post). Anyway, they are reading the question papers I brought home as souvenirs. Apparently, you can bring home each one since you paid for it already. I don't know what they are going to do. kill my self-esteem when the meter already reaches zero.

All I wish is for another's voice to be in unison with mine.

31 May 2009

Oh, just great. The day before the O Level Chinese Paper 2 Exam and my emotions just got disturbed once again. By whom? You guessed right, no prizes though. My father. We have a talkative mother who just keeps going on and on like those irritating songs on TV, a reprimanding sister and a violent father (actually, both play the same roles) that degrades my status. So what's the big problem this time? I was nervous for tomorrow's exam, so I was the last to finish my dinner. he went on grumbling about why I picked at my food and did not eat the rice. Not to mention he was the one at fault, forcing me to eat more. Yesterday, immediately after breakfast of 4 bread, I had a big box of bee hoon then a dumpling one hour later and then porridge with more carbohydrates - sweet potato and so on. Today, it's the afternoon lunch + 2 min jiang kueh + 1 bee hoon. Next time, I will say 'no'. I did before but he scolds me for not eating. So he went grumbling again. Wasn't he describing Mummy, since she always does what he does now? Why not shout at her and then threaten to slap her face like he did to me and tried it our with water and wind slapping the top of my hear and hair. Furthermore, she was the one who always finishes last and eat all the food without touching the rice. Can't I do it once? He also got a psychological problem most people have, but are unaware. I know, and I'm curing my own problem. He thinks that everyone can do whatever he can do. I now obviously think otherwise, hence I would love to be a teacher. So my emotions just got jumbled up, once again. Apart from being sad, lousy, quite unprepared -I didn't finish revising last year's syllabus- , getting a C5 for the SA1, and even my friend winning me, I had to, worst of all, mix my emotions as though they aren't enough messed up already. The only thing hat saved me from total breakdown (again) was church. I kept on thinking of that picture. I don't think I'm going to say it here. So, if I didn't get A1, whose fault is it? Mine, they will definitely say. They just never know all the negative influences and stress they put in me these 5 years. Especially when Chinese is not my best subject. Not like Chemistry. I know I'm not supposed to think of these bad incidents, as some people say "relieve and make it worse" but self-help books do say to pen down your thoughts right? Anyway, I don't think I'm going to stop this writing. Whenever possible, I will write down immediately. As for tomorrow, God bless me.

All I wish is for another's voice to be in unison with mine.

19 April 2009

I think this is the first official entry about my sister abusing me again and that I told my teacher about it. But the pint is, they can't do anything much. I mean, they will be busy teaching and forget all about it and I dislike false hopes the most. They make me feel down in the dumps. I don't blame them. I don't deserve their attention. What am I?

And even if they remember, they are waiting for me to tell them. Now, I'm the sort of person that needs structured questions. If I'm not I will probably top the level in oral. Furthermore, there's too many areas to talk about and I don't know where to start. I feel uneasy talking about unpleasant things and will try my best to avoid it. Maybe they should try hypnotising me.

She just specified to my whole housing estate (ie. shouted so loud) that I will follow my father on Sunday to the market. Oh and she did not do this when she was 16.

Dialogue
Me: you didn't do it when you were 16!
S (Her): yes, I regretted it. that's why i want you to do it.
Me: (I'm not your slave!)

Today also have another instance.
S (Her): I'm buying you the cake and I don't think you appreciate it.
Me: (Hello! The cake is free due to gift vouchers. You never buy anything for me. Everything always goes to her. And I didn't get to choose it! The choice is what you like not mine! Why am I appreciating what you are buying for yourself then hands it over to me with "Happy birthday' scrawled over the top? Especially when it is all eaten up by her.

So you see. I think I will fail my O Levels. Look at my timetable.

Sat - CCA, come home to cook dinner

Sun - market in the morning, come back with no mood to study and wasted the afternoon.

My nights are always with no mood to study. So my weekdays are over as well. So I can't study. No time! It's difficult to get into concentration and even more difficult to complain when someone screams every half minute talking something bad about me.

I have 2 more symptoms that I know my situation is getting worse.

One, there was once when one friend of a higher authority in my CCA forced me to a corner and force me to go to my CCA. He had to pick me and not any of the other not so enthusiastic people in my class. I got a phobia for corners, though. That moment, I knew I was going mad. I had a really strong desire to push him over the railing, and let him fall 6 storeys to his death. I really can't control myself. The reason he's enjoying his life now is he walked away at that moment.

Two, my memory has failed me once again. I seem to be able to forget things the next second, even though I'm really paying attention. It's quite funny and embarrassing at times.

I'm going to hand you, my diary, over to that teacher to see what he can do. I want something to be done to her and my mother. My diary only contains 0.01 the information. I hope he picks up the important tip I mentioned earlier in this entry and that will be enough to let the cat out of the bag. and for me to spill the beans.

Below is for the teacher's reference. I thought I will write an email to him, but luckily I found another way.

Music

1) Antoinette Blue by Kitade Nana

The song sings about loneliness. Since it is used as D. Gray Man's Ending Theme Song 4, I have 3 ways of explaining its meanings. Just find the English translation of its lyrics.


Edit:
Deleted everything below as it makes not sense in relation to how I'm feeling and don't know why I wrote until 7 pages in 1h 10 mins.

All I wish is for another's voice to be in unison with mine.