21 Apr 2024

 my parents use the self service machine to pay at supermarkets. then they accidentally press plastic bag charge. and I paid the extra 5 cents and they don't even bother to go to the customer service ask for refund

it's not the money but last time they keep scolding me anyhow spend money, why never be more alert. Never allow for mistakes. Now it's their fault multiple times a month then 'it's ok' 'take it as charity' what double standard is this again

All I wish is for another's voice to be in unison with mine.
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1 Apr 2024

My sister's child has learnt how to gaslight me at 4 years old.

He asked me for a spoon at dinner, and I gave him the small one. However, he asked for the big one, then I gave him the big spoon. Then my mother came in and scolded him for taking the bigger spoon - "he won't be able to handle it, and when everything gets upturned, then my father will scold him"

wow so scary 1 defeatist and 1 threatening brainwashing messages in 1 sentence.

And the child said "it's my fault, he asked for the smaller one, but I gave him the bigger one" and my mother said "yes I don't know anything."

No point for me to step in because just my 1 minute won't help to improve them.

All I wish is for another's voice to be in unison with mine.
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4 May 2021

bad enough alr la.

Work sucks, cannot do anything. do stuff get scolded. 

Boss said

1) support all of directors requests.

2) events can only put under Others and 10% max weightage.

Reality:

All of director's requests are events

Hence, no matter how much I did, and events are difficult, I cannot get a good grade this year.

Home sucks. sister dump her child here, whole day so noisy, I can't WFH, can't attend meetings and speak up.

When i go home from work, she expects me to take care of her child.

When they not at home, mother and father fight every hour, talk loudly and watch youtube like nursing home.

Mother complain I don't treat her. I want to buy CRAVE promotion, so she no need cook. Sister complain, not nice to eat. Should buy more expensive stuff. Then when I ask what you want me to buy, she said aiya, just don't buy my share la. Next time tell me. But sister scold me when I don't do anything for the family and make mother cook everyday.

the whole 24/7 I'm never at peace. I can't be a normal human being, I can't develop emotionally, psychologically. Definitely cannot have girlfriend.

All I wish is for another's voice to be in unison with mine.
想听更多关于我的生活吗？请收听我的《心情录音室》。

1 March 2020

I finally got my hands on OCS PT kit, something that I wanted. I went running earlier because my mother forced me to do it through her negativity.

Then my father said why you wear OCS PT kit throw away la, ppl see not nice.

Then it's like what you want me do, what I wear also cannot. What I do or don't do also wrong. Whenever I'm in front of their face, I become a subject of their negativity and the victim.

They caused me to have no self esteem, resulting in my retarded social, emotional and psychological growth. And I still must be their puppet.

My father already cannot withstand my mother's negativity and is already a mirror of her. I am next as I'm already toxic to them in my head, but of course I don't dare to say it out.

I don't want it to affect my life and you as well.

I really can see those kids who keep playing computer and don't study. There were those months where I just go home everyday from work, then turn on laptop to play Overwatch until 1030-11.30 pm then I go sleep. Just to block everything out.

The ironic thing is the very thing they were against me is what's keeping me sane. My father using my old handphone and my sister bought my mother a handphone so now they both watch the handphone for a few hours a day. Lucky they don't practice what they preach for once.

Also, now got the House Improvement Project - caused by my mother's ego. She insisted on doing. so all the extra work to clean and prepare is done by my father. My sister jumped in to scold me at every single opportunity to help out. But of course my father being the ancient ego type, refused to receive help.

My sister would message me, ever since I got my data. When I single tick, she say why data is not on, it should be double tick. When 2 ticks, she say why don't read. why take so long. isn't your phone always with you - but that's her, and my parents don't like anyone to use the phone often. When blue tick, she will say why no response. That's because when i respond with 'ok', she will say why only respond one line. is it you angry with me. then she will suddenly be angry with me and don't talk and say bad things to my parents in front of me. Then if I respond with multiple lines, she will triple those number of lines to scold me back or to do things.

my parents are both demented. my mother is the famous gone case. My father in the past 6 months, will only describe a thing with a 3 word phrase instead of a sentence. It's prone to multiple interpretations. I don't reply back, they say I don't talk to parents. so i talk. But since I obviously misinterpreted it, and no thanks to them always changing topic in the middle of nowhere, my father will suddenly angry and say 'talk to you useless one. you also don't understand at all. say so many times also don't know'.

He is demented. other than easily losing his temper, he also lost his sense of logic. he can argue with me over simple maths.

You know I from sengkang if I dance or gym 1 hour, i will reach home at 8 pm. But OCH is nearer. i reach home at 7.45 but I still kenna worse. They are discouraging me from going gym, saying that I should go home after work, spend time with parents, talk about the day.

Yea right and be a monster like them and spread negativity from work to home? Sorry but I'm not a monster yet.

And I also know that as much I need overwatch, it's an absolute waste of time, to the extent that I don't even read newspapers. because the moment I step in, their incessant voices are so loud until i plug my earphones in. Then being a sadistic Sombra and hacking everyone. then kill the low HP ones for cheap thrills.

All I wish is for another's voice to be in unison with mine
想听更多关于我的生活吗？请收听我的《心情录音室》。

22 Apr 2017

好像我曾经发过这样的帖文：

“如果不是我要的人，我宁可不去尝试，也要以时间换来我要的幸福。”

今天却让我再次有感而发。

All I wish is for another's voice to be in unison with mine.
想听更多关于我的生活吗？请收听我的《心情录音室》。

28 Feb 2017

《心情录音室》2月28日
“独”光晚餐
不是因为你做的不够多，还是没做什么，而是对方不选择你。所以不管你做什么，即使你帮他捡回一条生命，你还是排在第二。

坚持着，但迟早会到放弃的时候。我真的很累。

All I wish is for another's voice to be in unison with mine.
想听更多关于我的生活吗？请收听我的《心情录音室》。

15 Feb 2017

别人送免费礼品，我不一定会去拿。第一次释放，让自己享受生活。因为我等不到 “谁” 能抽个空，来打扰我。

All I wish is for another's voice to be in unison with mine.
想听更多关于我的生活吗？请收听我的《心情录音室》。